I don’t know what made me think of Bob. Although we had been good friends in high school – well over 50 years ago – he had probably died in the 1960’s.
We lived in separate small towns, brought together by our involvement in Presbyterian Youth. For several years we would meet at least 3-4 times a year at conferences in our area. He was handsome, quite intelligent, well-spoken, a “true Southern gentleman,” and all of those things that make for an “eligible bachelor,” or a fraternity brother at any one of the best houses. He was also a dedicated, practicing Christian and had long desired to become a minister.
When we left high school for college, he went to Davidson and our separation then and through my 3 years in the Army was inevitable. I next heard of him when I moved to Charlotte. He was an attorney and had practiced with another friend of mine for a short time. When their association ended, he went out on his own. For some reason, although we occasionally talked by phone, we never found the opportunity and need to visit, as we had so easily some years earlier. I was married then with a young daughter, and he was single. However, I thought often of Bob and wished we had been able to get together. I had a “million questions” but my main interest concerned his work, his decision not to pursue the ministry and why such a good friend of mine had discontinued their affiliation.
I later learned that Bob’s decision not to enter the ministry was probably not entirely his choice – it was made for him. The word I had was that it concerned his “sexual orientation,” which was also not his choice. I don’t know but suspect that also played a role in his practicing alone.
Pat and I later saw Bob at a “One Voice” concert, the excellent chorus of the LGBT community. We had 2 friends in the group. Bob and I had a very cordial but brief exchange. I felt no discomfort and wanted Pat and me to spend some time with him. I sensed, or thought I sensed, that he was a little uncomfortable, so I didn’t pursue it. He was with friends and knew nothing of the extent of my awareness or how I felt about his life style.
I still can’t imagine anyone better qualified for the ministry – anyone who would be more dedicated, who “loved his Lord” any more. Maybe the timing was wrong, now maybe his decision wouldn’t have been dictated by fate, or others. Fortunately, times have changed – at least somewhat.
Bob undoubtedly fund his own peace and his way of serving. He was well-known and highly regarded by the gay community, a real source of help and strength. He probably spent more time on pro bono work for his friends than on work that brought only fees. I still remember the heartfelt accolades from so many of his friends.
But there could have been – there should have been – so much more. Not just for Bob and his friends, but for our world.
